Because I'm not Growing Up, I'm already too tall.
It has been too long and an update is definitely needed. So, things have going absolutely marvelously recently. I was able to take care of the whole giant utilities bill that I got shafted with a week and a half ago and I have been getting by well, and will continue to do so until my next pay check comes in next week. So financially things are looking up and that makes me very happy. Things are going to be getting even better soon too, as
lilium_vitiate should be moving in by the end of the week or early next week at the latest (knock on wood) and that will help cut down the cost of the room quite a bit between the two of us. That and us living together is going to be amazing anyways...
In other news, my 21st birthday was this weekend and it was quite an amazing weekend (and in this sense I consider my weekend to have lasted from Wednesday night to about two hours ago). It all started Wednesday night with Her showing up here earlier in the week than she usually does. Thursday was work, followed by a night of relaxing at home (couldn't make it out to Perversion this week, but we should next week) and then Friday was work again (I haven't minded work so much recently, been working on Civilization Revolution stuff recently). After work, came home to Her again (which I absolutely love doing. I don't think I will ever get tired of it.) and made dinner before heading out to a great low key party where it started raining just minutes after midnight for my birthday (it was amazing). There was much fun to be had at the party and I had wonderful birthday beginning. For the day part of Saturday we simply slept in, hung out, I made dinner again (served with the first legal drink I bought, a great bottle of White Zinfandel) and we watched Across the Universe before heading to Rocky. That night was mine and
theteabegreen 's year anniversary on cast, and we performed together and had a good ol' time (which consisted of a number of people making or buying me drinks throughout the night). I performed slightly intoxicated and I didn't miss any cues, screw up any blocking, or fuck up in any noticeable way; it was a good show. After getting home after the show, We slept in till very late on Sunday, wasting most of the day in bed (which I cannot complain about in the slightest) before heading out to Clue rehearsal at the Nuart. It went well, the show looks good, and there was much snogging to be had in the back rows while not on stage (mainly by Us, no one else seemed to find it appropriate snogging time). Today was work again (man, why is this game still so fucked and already out in stores?) and then coming home to Her (still amazing) and taking a slight nap before making dinner for Her, Her family (which I invited over for dinner tonight a) to show them that I am a good guy and that I will take of her and b) because we have all never had a chance to sit and dine together). Dinner went very well, even if I was a ball of nerves the entire time (apparently it was cute and endearing).
Now, I sit here after seeing them all off, missing Her, revelling in the memories of this weekend, and wishing the We were living together already. It's funny, it has only been a couple of days, but I actually do feel older since my birthday. Not that is a bad thing, just...noticeable. I wonder what it means?
- Location:The Nook
- Mood:
happy
My hair though on the other hand, while very jewish and puffy, will never be fro-ed like that again. It just took me over an hour in the shower to brush, condition, shampoo, and condition again, along with more brushing, to get it back to what it is normally like. And I ended up pulling like an egg sized ball of hair from my brush afterwards. Fuck that noise.....I have a headache now from all that brushing......oi vey.
Now, maybe I can get some sleep.....or I will just stay up all day and finally try to get myself back onto some sort of normal sleep schedule.....
- Mood:
accomplished - Music:Springtime for Hitler - The Producers
The last couple of weeks I have been coming home after Rocky just completely drained and depressed as all hell. I don't really know why, because I have fun at the show, but afterwards I am just......lonely and way...depressed.
I wish I had someone here to cuddle with right now, though I don't know how much it would help.
- Mood:
depressed
Anyways, hmm, what to say. I didn't come here and start typing with something already on my mind that I wanted to say like I usually do, so what you are getting is what is coming out of me in this semi-conscious state of no sleep that I am in at the moment. Enjoy.
I freaking love performing: poetry, acting, dancing, just being random in front of a group of strangers...I just love it all. I get such a rush when I am out there in front of people, being over the top and making them laugh, smile, think, perceive. That is where I feel the most alive, in front of people being myself and more.
Despite my ease at being in front of a crowd, I am rather self-conscious about my looks. I know that many people have told me that I am cute, handsome, pretty, whatever, but I can never really believe it. I don't really know what they see in me...I am just me, an average boy with a crazy military past and a couple bucks to my name. I am rail thin, mop headed, and as some would put it: 'way too tall'. I don't know what they see in me,but I'm not really going to argue it, I just don't understand it.
I feel like I am living in a dream sometimes, like this is a crazy facade I create while I sleep. It all seems so amazing sometimes, this life that I am living, that I just can't believe that it is actually happening to me. When I am surrounded by friends and loved ones I can't but think that maybe I am just imagining it all, that maybe they are all figments created by me so that I am not so lonely all the time. I am so thankful for everyone in my life right now that I can't seem to bring myself around to actually believing that it is happening sometimes, that they are actually my friends and I am actually theirs. I guess this is what happens when a loner kid finally finds a group to be a member of.
At the same time though, I feel like I am exactly where I need to be with my life right now, like this is my time, my place, and my life to be living. I feel so alive sometimes that I can't help but to know that this is where I am supposed to be. It all just feels so right. I can't explain it any better than that....
More to come later maybe if I can't get any sleep.....
~Adam
- Mood:
monk - Music:The Loves - She'll Break Your Heart........Again
What Would You Do For a Golden Ticket?
~Adam
- Mood:
loved - Music:Addicted to Bass - Puretone
- Mood:
amused - Music:Dsperate guys - The Faint
Life seems to be moving at a breakneck speed right now, with something new and exciting coming at me nearly every single day. And I am thoroughly enjoying it. This isn't like the other times when things have gotten started and kept piling up, those times when I felt like I was going to be crushed by the weight of them all. No, this feels right, this feels really really good and I am happy to being living every single moment of it. First there was me starting my new job, which has been going great, then there came my Rocky audition, which went well great as well, which also brought along Clue, again great and so much fun, and now I am actually on Sins and I am going to be stepping up right into the primary Brad position. Going right into primary scares me a little bit, leaves a nervous set of butterflies in my stomach, but at the same time I am so excited to be doing it, to be a part of cast, and be performing so often, I can't wait. And now we are going right into the busiest season of the year, when all of the major holidays happen, when everything seems to peak, and I am loving it. I am going to be a part of the Tim Burton preshow and I want to do more with whatever comes next. And on top of it all, I went on the most amazing date yesterday and things are absolutely.....fitting right now. I feel like I am doing what I should be doing right now. It feels amazing.
The Eye in the Calm of your Storm,
~Adam Poisal
- Mood:
Serene
- Mood:
happy
I Put The Billboard In Your Cemetery,
~Adam Poisal
- Mood:
excited
Anyways, yeah, excited, can't articulate.....four weeks till I do my audition stage show. September 29th, the weekend before my birthday, I am so excited, can't way. Got four weeks to work on it all and make it so I don't suck.
Well, I am going to actually try and sleep and such, since I didn't get any last night.
The Bacon in your BLT,
~Adam Poisal
(I've been reading a lot of SInfest.net and I have grown attached to the random sign off lines, so I am going to do my own too.)
- Mood:
excited
This made me laugh so much.....they had a lot of time on their hands.
- Mood:
amused - Music:Timewarp
I feel much better now.
- Location:Zhani's House
- Mood:
relieved - Music:Clark Gable - The Postal Service
Also, despite all of the stress I have over the prelims, I am in a generally very good mood tonight. I had a wonderful day running games and talking with people, going to the show tonight, and cuddling/kissing/making out with a wonderful person who I have missed dearly. It leaves me feeling content tonight. So now I am going to slink off to my bed with its giant down comforter and drift into a very needed sleep.
~Adam
- Location:Zhani's House
- Mood:
cheerful
I get the strongest feeling that most of the people at Rocky really don't like me. Especially on nights like tonight at Party Monster, where I try and conversate with the Rocky group and I get the most negative vibes towards me. People would switch to other groups, or simply make excuses to leave, everytime that I tried to joy in a conversation. I felt radioactive or something. I felt it at Laser Tag last weekend as well, like only one or two people actually wanted me to be there and all the rest would have been perfectly happy if I weren't. And I know that it isn't just some crazy feeling that I am having, I know that people really just don't like me and I have no clue why.
A couple of weeks ago I was told by Zack and Security Drew that I am getting to be known as Creepy Adam.....and it hurt a lot to know that. I don't know what I did to deserve it or what I am now doing to perpetuate it, but apparently it is spreading. I know that some people think that I am trying to be friends with them to try and sleep with their friends, or that I am trying to be friends with them because I think I can get something from them. I have no clue why anyone thinks these things about me, it isn't something I could even see myself doing or being. I really don't know why I have garnered this kind of reputation but it is really beginning to hurt a lot. People seem to be ignoring me at every turn and I feel very alone when I am around them, a group of people that I really like and care for, and they couldn't care less about me.
The vibes just keep getting worse and it is really beginning to get me down, so I am thinking of going on hiatus from Rocky after this weekend. As much as I love the show and the atmosphere and most everything about it all, everytime I am there it is getting me depressed, because no one gives shit that I am there. I am going to be at Grindhouse night tomorrow because I said I would be, and I am still doing tech for Rainbow Carnage, but I don't know when Sins will be in weekly schedule again.
- Location:Home
- Mood:
crushed - Music:Sugar Daddy - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
- Location:Home
- Mood:
disappointed - Music:3 Libra's - A Perfect Circle
I thought it would be great to date around, to meet people, have fun, and generally have copious amounts of sex without commitment, and well it has been. Don't get me wrong, I have thoroughly enjoyed my time as a fast living bachelor living the good life, but I still have that hungering want for something more. With who, I am still figuring out and how it may work, I don't know yet, but I know that maybe sometime soon I will try this settling down thing again and see where it gets me.
Until then I will continue with my glorious bachelors life, searching for something more in life but never really caring if I find it....
- Location:Zhani's House
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Dragonfly - Cruxshadows
Although the preshow was absolutely hilarious tonight. Bernie, Jeff, and the long-absent Jason had me busting up laughing and surprising me with new jokes that I had yet to hear in my so far 10 week run of Rocky. That and Bernie was just burning on everybody tonight....it was a good night.
Also, I have realized the joy of bringing a virgin to be sacrificed on our black stage altar. I brought my friend Jen along tonight and introduced her first hand to the many pleasures that are Rocky, and I must say that it is a very nice, warm, and slightly sticky feeling to introduce to the debauchery and youth destroying throes of Rocky. I must do it more often.
- Mood:
flirty
